JJ Abrams doesn’t want me to be happy

I’ve come to the realization that any chick I develop favoritism towards – ends up dying…on LOST.  I’m pretty bummed on this.  Does JJ Abrams want me to spend the rest of my life alone?  How will my heart go on without Juliet OR Naomi Dorrit?  You son of a bitch.  You can’t just drop a gorgeous woman out of the sky and expect me to sleep at night when you have John Locke kill her with a big ass knife.

Ah yes, look at that casual stance, the olive skin, the overall confident aura that says “No, you probably can’t sneak up behind me and stab me because I know some kind of Kung-Fu and that shit doesn’t fly.”  Well guess what?  That was a false sense of security Naomi, because now you’re no longer with us :(.

But that’s fine, because I didn’t want to be torn between two women anyway and I truly believe that I was meant for Juliet…and Juliet, you were meant for me.

You sure did make bread Juliet.  That’s why I love you.  Gorgeous smile, amazing hair and that wifely way about you that says you’ll pour my cereal for me in the mornings.  I think I was in love with Juliet from the first time I saw her smash someone in the face with the grip of a pistol.  You don’t find that many places, and when you do you have to cherish it.  As I would’ve, if JJ Abrams didn’t create the most horrific death ever just for my sweetheart Juliet!  Not only did you get sucked down a cement well, tied up in chains and fighting for your life…but when you fell to the bottom, you detonated a nuclear weapon.  I’m sure that doesn’t feel pleasant.  Think it’s over?  Oh no, Abrams has to show Juliet somehow “survive” for a few measly hours while she suffers at the bottom of this well with every bone crushed to dust.  To top it all off, what’s the last thing she sees before she passes the pearly gates to wait for me? …Sawyer’s stupid face.  Correct.  Abrams made the last thing that this precious angel would see, a DUMB HICK WHO CALLS EVERYONE TERRIBLE NICKNAMES.

I’m about to leave you LOST.  I’ve put up with a lot of your b.s., but I’m about to pack my bags and leave while you’re at work…and yes, I’m taking the dog too.

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